


Just Here

by themarchgirl



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Great Big Declarations of Love, Hurt/Comfort, Mushy As Hell tbh, Romance, Trespasser DLC, non-graphic amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themarchgirl/pseuds/themarchgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Y-you’re –‘ She could not breathe. A ringing was coming to a vast crescendo in her ears. ‘You – you are –‘</p>
<p>His hands tentatively reached towards her and she scrambled backwards, her hands coming over her face. </p>
<p>‘Ellana,’ he murmured, his voice hollow. ‘Please, you are safe.’</p>
<p>Or, I wanted to rewrite That Scene from Trespasser because I'm in pain, dammit. Trespasser DLC Spoilers inside!! be warned!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Here

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh hey! I suck at multi-chapter fics absolutely. Wow. So I churned out this bit of rubbish this evening! Trespasser has got me ALL SORTS OF WAYS and I needed to write myself a little TLC. This doesn't necessarily flow very well but I think it picks up most of the important plot bits from the canon conversation. I just made it fluffier.
> 
> My main reason for writing this was that Lavellan's 'omg ur fen'harel' was SO??? CALM???? da heck this is weird. cue more appropriate panic fic.
> 
> Have to insist that you listen to the GORGEOUS soundtrack to the scene as you read. I put it on loop as I was writing and it really helped set the mood. Also made me mega emotional. Suffer with me. I listened to this version: http://mezilandre.tumblr.com/post/128659457430
> 
> Can you guys believe that's it?? I'll definitely keep writing and reading Solavellan, though. I'm way too deep. Enjoy!

Ellana tumbled out of the eluvian, the yells of her companions echoing oddly around her. Gods, she ached. The saarebas had refused to go down without proficient use of her mana and her mark. She knew another fight would be unwise, but _Solas_.

The mention of his name, of his affiliation… it had stirred her insides into knots. Although the last few days had shown her a different side of the Dread Wolf than the one her people tended to pass on, the discomfort of the news pressed at her temples and her stomach. Her _vhenan_ – a villain? A betrayer? His leaving had deeply hurt and angered her. But she could never imagine him aiding the Trickster.

Now, she stood and nearly knocked her head on a beefy, stone Qunari arm. Looking around, she saw various petrified bodies framing the path ahead. Someone had turned them all to rock.

Solas?

Ellana knew he was powerful, that there was… something. Something greater inside of him that was always held back. But he was always so gentle, so reserved in his demeanour – especially with her. Dust floated around the Qunari statues, fresh. The stillness and silence was unnerving.

She could not waste time contemplating. Dodging stone limbs where she could, she followed the path further forward.

And then she heard his voice.

He was stating something loudly in Qunlat. The well whispered frantically in her ear – the voices did not understand it either. It was something in between Tevene and Elven, too harsh and constructed.

But the timbre, the familiar tone sent goosebumps racing up her arms and a thrill through her chest. She had not heard his voice for two years. Her eyes stung; the sound of it instantly dulled the throbbing pain in her left arm and the exhaustion of her body. _Solas_ , she thought. _Vhenan. I am here. I won’t let her hurt you._

She raced up the last few steps, finding herself at the end of a long walkway towards the largest eluvian she had ever seen. She could see his tall, lean figure a few metres away, dismissing the Qunari leader with a distinct turn of his head. The woman roared, unsheathing her weapon and racing towards him. Ellana gasped and charged behind her. She would not –

And she turned to stone.

So it had been him.

Ellana took a deep breath and stepped forward.

‘Solas.’

He stopped in his advance towards the eluvian and turned slowly. At once, the mark flared and she cried out, falling to her knees in agony. She felt the soft touch of his feet on the paved ground as he approached her. And then the pain stopped. Looking down, she saw that the angry crackling green of the anchor was mostly gone. He had healed her with a glance.

She slowly got to her feet, her knees quaking a little. Solas was standing much like she remembered him doing – shoulders pushed back and his hands clasped behind his back. Perhaps he was taking an old stance to comfort her. His eyes were warm. Her fear and trepidation was momentarily quelled by the quiet tenderness with which he was looking at her.

‘That should give us more time,’ he said. He smiled slightly. ‘I suspect you have questions.’

‘The Qunari were trying to kill you,’ she replied. ‘I wanted to get here first.’

Solas’ penchant for disappearing at every possible moment had somewhat fuelled her initial panic. To catch him merely as he was running away, _again_ – it would have been devastating. She could not even consider the possibility that he would remain out of her world. He must stay. He must return to her.

‘I know,’ he said pleasantly. ‘They sought an agent of Fen’Harel. I am no-one’s agent but my own. I fear that the truth is much simpler, and much worse, than the Qunari believe.’

The whole world stopped.

Ellana began to shake. Solas’ smile slipped off his face.

‘Y-you’re –‘ She could not breathe. A ringing was coming to a vast crescendo in her ears. ‘You – you are –‘

His hands tentatively reached towards her and she scrambled backwards, her hands coming over her face.

‘Ellana,’ he murmured, his voice hollow. ‘Please, you are safe.’

She became aware that she was hyperventilating. Panic was clawing up her throat; she fell to her knees once more and began to pray.

‘Creators, have mercy on me – Mythal, All-Mother, the Dread Wolf has caught my scent, please-‘

‘Ellana,’ his voice was louder. She felt his fingers around her wrist. ‘Ellana, _vhenan_. I would never hurt you. Never, you must-‘

‘ _Ir abelas_ ,’ she wailed. ‘ _Ir abelas_ , Sylaise, _ma halani_.’

‘ _Ma lath_ ,’ Solas said, trying to pry her hands away from her face. ‘ _Hamin_ , _ma’eth_.’

She sobbed, angrily hiding her terrified tears behind her palms. Solas – _Solas_ , her heart, her love. The man whose embrace she had curled up in, the man who had pledged his love for her as great mountains bore witness, the man who had pressed his mouth to hers every morning and night and hour in between for a year before…

Before he ripped her heart out.

Perhaps he was not so unlike the Dread Wolf.

Slowly, she took her hands from her face. Between her fingers she saw him knelt before her, his expression agonised. He whispered her name again and gently entwined his fingers with hers.

‘ _Ir abelas_ , _vhenan_ ,’ he said, his words thickened with his own distress. ‘There was no easy way to tell you. I tried at the cave in Crestwood, but I was so afraid…’

He trailed off. Evidently she had just proved his fear to be true. She swallowed down another sob and tried to breathe evenly again. Solas watched her unhappily, mouth opening and closing slightly as if he could not think of anything else to say. Eventually he returned to apologising.

‘Ellana,’ he began. ‘I know you could not possibly believe me. I have caused you so much pain.’

She snorted humourlessly. The corner of his mouth twitched.

‘I am sorry for deceiving you,’ he continued. ‘I never intended – our bond was so unexpected. I did not know I was going to fall in love with you.’

Ellana began to cry again. Solas fretted over her, wringing his hands.

‘ _Ir abelas_ , _abelas_ ,’ he said. ‘I only meant – do you remember, _ma lath_? When I wanted to wait and think? I knew this could never – _should_ never work.’

Ellana wiped her tears. ‘But you kissed me anyway. Damn you, you did. Don’t tell me you knew better.’

Solas looked close to tears himself. ‘I know, I know.’

He shook his head, as if to clear it. ‘Come, my love. Please, let me explain. You broke through my wards with your mark. You saw my declarations.’

He took hold of her right hand and left elbow, gently but firmly pulling her to her feet. Her head hurt from crying and her arm was beginning to throb again. But she went, finding herself close enough to him to breathe the familiar scent of him. She could never place it. But she was always safe, here.

Or used to be. Her eyes flooded with tears again at the thought.

He cursed under his breath at the sight and she allowed him to rub his thumb under her lashes. ‘I seem to have a talent for this,’ he muttered crossly. Bizarrely, it made her huff out a laugh. But he seemed to take it as encouragement.

‘I have always been Solas, _ma lath_ ,’ he said. ‘Fen’Harel was bestowed upon me by the False Gods when I wrought revolution upon them.’

Something eased inside of her; a knot came loose. He had always been Solas. He had never used an untrue name. But the part of him he concealed…

He went on. ‘The Gods grew from power to greater power. And they lusted after it. Ravenous straight after a feed. It sickened me. The People were enslaved by these liars, turned to skeletons in the name of worship.’

He looked away, towards the remains of the castle that stood beneath them. ‘Our empire was so much, Ellana. It was beauty and magic in its purest form. Magic lived amongst us like the air we breathe. And that is why it fell.’

Ellana saw the longing in his eyes, the regret. He wished for better. She cleared her throat a little to bring him back to her.

‘The False Gods,’ he continued. ‘They killed Mythal. She rightly protested their tyranny and paid for it with her life. A greater crime I have not seen.’

He was still angry, still grieving. Ellana felt her own heart clench at the imagined loss of the All-Mother. Without thinking, her hand rested on his bicep and squeezed. His own came to lay on it in gratitude.

‘I had already been building support. My sanctuary became a fortress,’ he said. ‘With a following so large I was able to create the barrier I needed. One that would lock away the most powerful mages Thedas has ever known.’

‘The Veil,’ Ellana said suddenly. His gaze snapped to hers. She stepped back, cradling her left arm. ‘You created the Veil between the Fade and the real world.’

He nodded. ‘I hated to do it. And this…’

He gestured vaguely to the ruins around them. ‘I had to choose between saving the People and saving our legacy. I chose the People. But I had not anticipated the effect of this barrier properly.’

He turned away from her, his cloak rippling in the breeze.

‘I thought,’ he croaked. ‘I thought that the People would endure. But they began to age. And soon enough they were gone. All for nothing.’

Ellana watched him. She had never seen him so distraught, not even when Wisdom died and he spent two weeks away from Skyhold in mourning. He seemed to take a deep, shaky breath, and huff it out. It was indeed very wolf-like. He then turned to face her, his gaze moving to her left arm.

‘And then there is the matter of the anchor,’ he mused. He took her hand in his, running his fingertips over her bright green palm. He shook his head. ‘Yet another of my mistakes.’

Ellana frowned, remembering a conversation – _lethallin_ , there is a place –

‘ _This_ is your doing?’ She demanded.

He regarded her unhappily again. ‘When I woke I was too weak to unlock my foci. And there was not enough magic in the air. So I allowed him to find it. Thus, the Breach.’

‘That orb was _yours_?’ She was not sure how many more confessions she could listen to. She shoved her hands back through her hair in incredulity. ‘And I went sneaking around at the Conclave and got it attached to my hand. And then there we were.’

‘There we were,’ he agreed solemnly. ‘I expected Corypheus to die in the blast. I had not anticipated his artificial immortality.’

She stared at him for a few moments. And then she began to laugh.

Solas appeared very confused.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said in between giggles. ‘I’m sorry it’s just – finding out your ex-lover is an ancient elven rebel… god-type… _thing_!’

His expression was pained again. ‘I should never have allowed our relationship. This is too much for you to take on.’

She laughed harder. ‘Just a little! Next thing you’ll be telling me Sera is fucking Andraste reborn, or…’

She trailed off. And began to cry again.

‘You’re the _Dread Wolf_! The Dread fucking Wolf!’ She buried her face in her hands. ‘Oh – oh no.’

Solas looked like he was going to reach for her again, so she tried to press on between wet hiccups.

‘You’re immortal,’ she said quietly. ‘And I’m…’

‘Not,’ he murmured, grimacing. ‘No.’

‘Bit of a predicament,’ she said, wiping her cheeks again. He continued to look at her. And her at him.

It was only natural to meet in the middle.

Her anchored hand found the back of his shoulder, her other finding his cheek. The familiar sensation of his strong arms circling her waist was enough for relieved teardrops to cascade once more down her face. His mouth met hers timidly against her eagerly, allowing her to press more insistently into their kiss.

He was holding her so tight that her belt dug uncomfortably into her stomach. Gods, she didn’t care. She let her mouth open against his, captured his bottom lip in hers. A small sound forced itself out of his chest in surprise, in joy. Something wet dripped onto her thumb as she grazed his cheekbone with it and she pulled away momentarily to look at him.

His skin was blotchy with his melancholy, his eyes red-rimmed. As she stared at him he found her thumb with his lips, leaning into her hand. She murmured his name and his eyes closed onto his tears.

‘I had not expected to hold you in my arms again, _vhenan_ ,’ he explained hoarsely. ‘I am so glad to see you. To be with you again.’

And she smiled at him for the first time since her arrival some minutes ago. ‘And I, _ma lath_.’

She met his kiss again, letting his tongue sweep into her mouth and tangle with hers. Their lips found each other again and again; Ellana heard Solas breathing words into her mouth of ancient tongue and shivered. The well began to translate.

_How have I lived without my heart, without my one love? I thought you lost to me for all the ages. How will I live? How do I take myself away from you again? My love, my love…_

Through the haze of it all his meaning was clear. Ellana clung to his shoulders, just as he held her desperately to his chest. He had to go. She had to go. She bit his top lip in frustration, fiercely objecting to their incompatibility. How could they be so wrong, so out of place and oddly fashioned together? Especially when his touch and his kiss and his love felt like _this_ – like the only safe and perfect place in the whole of this blasted, blighted world?

The anchor exploded at his neck. They were wrenched from one another, both crying out at the shock and the loss. Ellana screamed in pain, clutching her whole arm to her chest. She was dying. She was dying. Nobody could be in this much pain and not be dying –

Solas had scooped her back up into his embrace and was muttering harshly in Elvhen. The pain died down a little. But not enough. She slumped against his chest in exhaustion.

‘Oh, my heart,’ he said. ‘ _Ir abelas_. _Ir abelas_.’

He propped her up a little better so he could see her eyes. ‘ _Vhenan_ , I must remove your arm. It is the only way to save you.’

Ellana gaped at him. ‘What?’

‘It isn’t your staff arm, _ma lath_ ,’ he said gently. She suddenly realised he’d never used so many names for her before. ‘Please, let me save you. It is killing you, Ellana.’

She looked down at the mangled, green mess of her left hand. She’d relied on it so entirely against the Qunari and it was taking its toll on her flesh. It was her mark – her proof of her abilities and her role and her significance.

But it was killing her. And she wanted to _live._

Ellana swallowed and looked at him. ‘You’re sure?’

He nodded gravely. ‘You will feel no pain. It will be very quick.’

She sucked in a breath. ‘Better do it now then.’

Ellana buried her face in his chest as he began to work on her. Soon enough her whole left arm was numb; momentarily she sadly thought that she’d have quite liked to say goodbye to it. There was the _whoosh_ of magic, and then a great, uncomfortable pull, and then – nothing.

Solas’ tense body relaxed a little. She felt him move suddenly, as if he was –

‘What did you do with my arm?’ she asked.

‘I have disposed of it,’ he replied matter-of-factly. ‘Please do not look up yet.’

Already she could feel a weight lifted off her left side. The long-familiar pull of magic was absent all of a sudden. Nothing crackling in the background underneath her glove. It was strange.

There was a faint explosion somewhere down below them.

‘Was that-?’

‘Definitely not,’ Solas said. He made a noise of satisfaction and patted her arm to signal that she could look up. She did, and nearly retched.

Her forearm was gone. Solas had carefully wrapped her sleeve up around the wound, which was no longer bleeding. She felt off-balance, as if she was leaning over on her right side.

‘Creators,’ she breathed.

‘It will take some getting used to,’ Solas said. ‘But I’m sure Dagna can craft something. To help.’

She nodded absently. She felt afraid to touch the stump.

‘Ellana, I do not know how much of the mark’s magic is in the rest of your body,’ he said.

She glanced up at him. He was worrying his lip.

‘This is why I must continue on,’ he continued quietly. ‘If I succeed you will be immortal. You would be so powerful – the mark would not affect you at all.’

‘Solas,’ Ellana said slowly. ‘What are you doing?’

‘I must restore the elves, _vhenan_ ,’ he replied.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘Which ones?’

‘My people – they still linger, I must restore their health and power.’

She let go of him abruptly.

‘You wish to tear down the Veil,’ she breathed.

‘It was my mistake to put it there in the first place!’ He cried.

‘Do you understand,’ she said slowly. ‘How many people. Will. Die.’

‘But it was never meant to be this way,’ he pleaded. ‘Ellana, _ma lath_ , we should rule these lands.’

‘Then work with me,’ she snapped. ‘Help me free the elven slaves in Tevinter. Find me somewhere to house the elves who waste away in alienages. Find me somewhere so that _my_ people can be nomads no more!’

He had already begun to shake his head. ‘I walk the _Di’nanshiral_ , _vhenan_. This is my path. I alone must do this.’

‘Oh for – Creators, Solas!’ She shouted. ‘When will you stop pushing me away?’

His expression crumpled. ‘When it is _safe_ –‘

She whirled around towards the eluvian. How could he, how could he.

But he caught her remaining wrist. ‘You would be my queen!’

She froze.

‘I would wed you like we used to,’ he was saying, his voice hitching. ‘I would braid flowers into your hair and paint the whole of Thedas with your face.’

She slowly turned back to him. He was begging her.

‘I would write your name on every city wall so nobody could ignore your skill and magic and power,’ he murmured. ‘I would love you all my days, find your spirit in age after age and bind myself to you. I would never love another. I cannot love another.’

He took her face into his hands and focused entirely on her, as if he wanted to soak up the speckle of her eyes and the pattern of her freckles into his very soul.

‘Ellana,’ he said. ‘Ellana Lavellan. You have me. You have my heart and my love. Please take them and keep them safe for me until my purpose is fulfilled. And then I would take yours, if you will have me still.’

She sighed and kissed his cheek.

‘ _Ma_ _uth_ ’ _lath_.’ He sighed. ‘We must be separated for some time. I wish it were not so.’

She shrugged. ‘It doesn’t have to be so.’

He smiled and brushed her hair out of her eyes. ‘ _Ir abelas_. Will you wait for me, my love?’

She simply leaned up onto her toes and kissed him. One last time.

Later she would disband her Inquisition and watch her friends fly. She would tell her remaining advisors of Solas’ plans and his past and her desire to pull him back from this cliff face he was hell bent on throwing himself over. She would write a letter to her clan in preparation of a visit. And she would probably cry a little.

But for now the Inquisitor held her Dread Wolf in her arms, safe and perfect and home.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried a bit of elven construction this time. It's probably all wrong.
> 
> Vhenan = (my) heart  
> Ma lath = my love  
> Ir abelas = I sorrow, I'm sorry  
> Ma halani = help me  
> Hamin = rest, relax  
> ma'eth = you are safe (this is probably wrong)  
> Di'nanshiral = essentially 'death journey'  
> Ma uth'lath = my eternal lvoe


End file.
